Omeyer, the Weenie Wizard

Photo Credit Unknown

Inspired by a post on Facebook:

Omeyer, the Weenie Wizard: Init +2; Atk short sword +3 melee (1d6) or magic staff +3 melee (1d4+7) or spell; Crit IV/d12 AC 12; HD 6d6+6 (36 hp); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP magic staff, magic book, spellcasting (+8 spell checks) , spells: (1st) charm person, detect magic, magic missile, ventriloquism, ward portal,  (2nd) fire resistance, wizard staff, (3rd) breath life, and dispel magic;  SV Fort +3, Ref +1, Will +5; AL N.

Whether Omeyer was once a man whom magical corruption turned into a living hot dog, or he was once a hot dog which had somehow attained life, sentience, and a semi-humanoid form, is no longer known if ever it was. Even Omeyer doesn’t seem to know. All of his spells have manifestations relating to his form when possible. Charm person works through an appetizing aroma, for instance, and magic missile takes the form of mustard streams and sauerkraut.

Omeyer’s magic staff acts as a +1 magical weapon and can emit light in a 20 foot radius at Omeyer’s command. Omeyer gains a +2 bonus when casting dispel magic while wielding the staff, but takes 5d4 damage is the staff is ever destroyed.

Omeyer also owns a magical book which comes from the World of the Red Doors, and was written by the arch-sorcerer and wondrous artist Gokov Udaks. This magic book allows the reader to use three rounds to summon a dog storm with a DC 25 spell check, as outlined below, attempted at the end of the reading. Failure causes the readers 2d6 damage (3d6 on a natural “1”).

Dog Storm: The reader calls down a storm of small astral dogs from the heavens, targeting a point up to 500 feet away and covering a radius of 200 feet. Anything in this radius which is struck by a dog (DC 25 Reflex save to avoid) takes 6d6 damage and must succeed in a Fort save (DC equal to damage taken) or die. Cover grants a +2 to +8 bonus to the Reflex save, depending upon the degree of cover as determined by the judge. Targets with 100% cover are not affected The book’s reader must have line-of-sight to the central point of impact. Once the astral dogs have impacted the ground, their charred and pulverized corpses remain for 1d6 minutes before fading away, although touching them at this point is no different than touching any similar burned and smashed animal remains.

1d7 Encounters with the Weenie Wizard

1.        Omeyer is in a beerhall, trying to drown his sorrows with cheap ale. Inebriated, he has a -4 penalty to all d20 rolls until sober once more. The Weenie Wizard is aware of some nearby treasure he greatly desires, but he is not strong enough to seek it alone…The judge is invited to use this as an adventure hook.

2.        The Weenie Wizard is haggling with an open-air baker, seeking to replace parts of his bun which have gone decidedly moldy.

3.        Hazards of the Road. Omeyer is surrounded by wild dogs which cannot differentiate him from any other sausage. He is grateful for any help.

4.        Omeyer is seeking the lost and fabulous Weinermobile, which is capable of traversing between dimensions. If the PCs aid him, he offers them one ride into a strange new world and back (allowing the judge to run a Mutant Crawl Classics, Umerica, Weird Frontiers, etc., adventure).

Photo by WeaponizingArchitecture - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=123961242

5.        A rather dispirited Weenie Wizard seeks a source of condiments large enough to renew his mustard S-curl.

6.        Omeyer seeks out the five Hot Dog Suit characters that have fallen into this dimension from a world not unlike our own. He seeks to have these hapless Hot Dogs as acolytes and henchmen. If there is a PC using the Hot Dog Suit class, they are among those sought by the Weenie Wizard. For more information, see The Gongfarmer’s Almanac 2016, Volume 1.

7.        Having learned of another word by the great warlock-artist Gokov Udaks, Omeyer is on a quest to acquire every slender volume of the Book of Hobos, which he believes will reveal the location of a world of living meats. Perhaps, at last, the Weenie Wizard may find a place where he fits in…

           ADDENDUM 2 Jan 2024: A rumor has come to my attention that the Weenie Wizard arose upon a strange world not unwholly like our own. He is said to have encountered a malicious genie while singing a commercial jingle, and the rest is history.....

DCC Christmas Judge

I threw this together and posted it on my Patreon. You have to have a membership to get it, but you can become a free member, get your swag, and then end your membership if you want to.  Hopefully, it can add some season cheer to your holiday gaming! Here is a sample:

Purple Santa: Init +3; Atk sack full of presents +3 melee (1d4) or purple aura; AC 12; HD 5d8 (30 hp); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP purple aura, presents, immune to mind-affecting and cold, immortal; SV Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +6; AL N.

This cut-rate Santa appears as a Spirit of Giving each winter. His calming aura can be resisted with a DC 12 Will save, and his presents are never magical. When attacked, he fights to do real damage, and will kill if need be. Three times each day he can extend an aura of purple light with a 30 foot radius. All hostile creatures within this radius are affected as follows (1d3): (1) they must succeed in a DC 12 Will save or be transformed into a purple duck for 1d7 days, (2) they must succeed in a DC 12 Reflex save or their most precious item is pirated away and appears within Purple Santa’s sack, or (3) they must succeed in a DC 12 Fort save or take 1d8 damage from purple sorcery.

Purple Santa has no sleigh, reindeer, or workshop. If reduced to 0 hp, he and his bag simply disappear until next winter. Any item purple pirated into his sack falls to the snowy ground as he fades away.

Purple Santa can be discerned from the real Santa Claus by the plum-colored hue of his robes.

Thoughts on the US Election

Or…Where Do We Go From Here?

When I was in high school, I learned an important lesson about debating. It isn’t enough to have a strong position yourself; you need to be able to answer the opposition. And answering the opposition means actually understanding it.

We live in a world of memes, of sound bites, of divided tribes who fail to listen to each other. While the other side has no obligation to listen to you, or you to them, if you actually want to persuade anyone who doesn’t already agree with you, you have to willingly accept that obligation. Your sound bite, like mine, offers no real force of argument outside your bubble…and the people within that bubble are already of like mind.

This is what people mean by “virtue signaling” – we aren’t trying to persuade anyone so much as we are trying to show that we are part of the tribe. Republicans make fun of liberal virtue signaling, ironically using that as a means to virtue signal amongst themselves. We don’t actually look at, talk about, or – gods forbid – attempt to understand the other side on any issue. We snipe and then retreat, and the other side does the same.

We have to do better.

(“Well, why don’t they have to do better?” you ask. I will get to that.)

Eight years ago, I was asked by a gentleman I greatly respect to wait two weeks before jumping into the political debate again. These people were mourning Hilary Clinton’s loss to Donald Trump, and they needed time to process. Well, it is two weeks after a decisive Republican victory, where all of Congress as well as the White House turned red. Last time, of course, led to four years of “Russia! Russia! Russia!” rather than an admission of defeat in a fair election, followed by a Joe Biden victory which was also not followed by an admission of defeat in a fair election.

I honestly think that, were it not for Covid, we would be almost done with Trump because Biden would not have won. Not only was this outcome predictable, but I predicted it in 2016 during the primary when the DNC rigged their primary election to prevent their only truly popular candidate – Bernie Sanders – from getting the nomination. To put it in Star Trek terms, the blatancy of the primary election rigging, and fact that the majority of Democratic voters simply denied it or shrugged it off, was when we slipped into the Mirror Universe, and while what has followed domestically and on the word stage is certainly distressing, it is not at all surprising.

(And, yes, media sources contradict that rigging, or contradict the illegality of it, but they do not answer the evidence while doing so. It should be remembered that both Donna Brazile and Elizabeth Warren agreed it was rigged before the DNC got ahead of the story. The DNC also successfully argued in court that, while not admitting to the primary being rigged, they had a right to do so.)

In the wake of the more recent election, I am hearing about people cutting each other off, and have seen people using the Republican victory as an excuse to hurt family and people who would otherwise be considered friends. Honestly, do you really think that half the country is evil? I certainly do not. But I do think that politicians and their media allies have been pushing that narrative for a decade now, and it has eroded American society to an unhealthy degree.

If you understand how FOX media misleads their viewers, then you should be able to understand how MSNBC and CNN do the same for a different niche market. If you understand how MSNBC and CNN do this, you should be able to understand that FOX does the same. Both sides are being sold different versions of reality, but neither side is being presented with an accurate version. Actually talking to each other, and being willing to look at primary sources, helps a lot in gaining a clearer picture of what is actually happening.

The Republicans are not your friends. The Democrats are not your friends. Losing friends or family over either is, frankly, insane. Much of what your party tells you is untrue. That goes for both parties. They have the same donors, and serve the same interests. At this point, the US is an oligarchy, not a democracy. You will never get your democracy back without upsetting the apple cart. Trump may not be the upset you want, but you can be certain that he will not be the last, unless one of two things happens:

(1) Real change happens which disempowers the ultra-wealthy, or

(2) The ultra-wealthy consolidate their power enough to prevent that.

You can take heart that the election was not an overwhelming mandate for conservatism. Those few Democrats who have pushed progressive values actually did well, even where electors where decidedly against Kamala Harris. Where it was a ballot issue, states wanted a higher minimum wage. States have overwhelmingly supported pro-choice policies…so much so that more conservative states are attempting to legislate what happens beyond their borders. You can take these election results to indicate that Americans want progress, but that the electorate largely understands that Democrats block progress rather than enable it. I can’t imagine that supporting a genocide or preventing an end to the conflict in Ukraine which US actions certainly were responsible for has helped the Democrats much, either.

I have argued in the past that being a “social justice warrior” doesn’t help all that much, but being a “social justice cleric” – helping people become better rather than cutting them down or cutting them off – does. While I fully understand that tolerance has limits, I have also argued that intolerance is far from the ideal first reaction. I am arguing the same today.

Why don’t they have to do better? Of course everyone doing better should be our goal. You can help people to do better. You can’t force them.

There is also this: I know that some of you still believe it, but RussiaGate was bullshit. I read the Mueller Report, and I watched his testimony to Congress. I also watched the impeachment proceedings. In both cases, the Republicans came off as far more honest than the Democrats, and the media came off as less honest than either. You might not see it that way, but the majority of voters clearly did. Where we are now is entirely the fault of the Democrats and their enablers. I see no signs that the DNC is going to own their shit, so if we are not going to slide further into dystopia, we need to own ours.

The way I see it, progressives can either try to make allies, or they can give conservatives more reason to ignore and deride them. Making allies requires understanding what other people think, and why, and answering the opposition. My take on Donald Trump is that he really does want to be considered a great president. Yes, it is all about him, but what advantage is there in allowing the “swamp monsters” the only say as to how that should be achieved? Rather than spending the next four years telling him how much you hate him, why not tell him what would make America great? Why not push him to provide universal healthcare when Obama could not?

Or, you know, you can always join the DNC in blaming everyone else, and see where that takes you.

Sea Monkeys

Sea Monkey: Init +3; Atk trident +2 melee (1d8) or bite +0 melee (1d3-1); Crit III/d6; AC 13; HD 1d6; MV 30’, swim 60’; Act 1d20; SP amphibious, confer water breathing, brine shrimp swarm; SV Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +0; AL N

Some people sell brine shrimp and call them “sea monkeys”, but the real sea monkeys are amphibious egg-laying humanoids who swarm out of their undersea castles to capture treasure, slaves, and food. Through some unknown process, sea monkeys can confer the ability to breathe water on other creatures, and the few slaves who have escaped them can attest to this fact. If not renewed every 1d3 days, this ability ceases to function, and the slave drowns…making them completely at the mercy of their captors.

Sea monkeys can also summon a swarm of brine shrimp in a 20’ radius once per day. This does no damage, but offers concealment and a +2 bonus to AC within the swarm…except against sea monkeys, who can see right through it as though it were not there. Some sages have speculated that the three antennae growing from their heads provides a form of telepathic connection solely focused on brine shrimp.

Sea monkeys are, indeed, intelligent, frolicsome, and love to play games with each other as well as those they capture. If eager to please, it is only to please themselves. While it is true that sea monkeys love attention, it is not the kind of attention most creatures would wish to give them, and they have seldom brought smiles or laughter to anything less cruel than they are.

Sea Monk

Sea Monk: Init +2; Atk tentacle slap +4 melee (1d6) or harmful spell (see below); Crit M/d10; AC 16; HD 4d8; MV swim 20’; Act 1d20; SP heal 2/day, harmful spell 3/day; SV Fort +4, Ref +1, Will +4; AL N

Their red scales acting as armored cassocks, these strange beings of the northern seas are sometimes found along coastlands in shallow waters, where they rise from the water to make impassioned sermons about Pelagia and other sea deities, about giving thanks for the ocean’s abundance, and about making sacrifices in blood and riches for successful voyages or bountiful fishing. A full 8 feet in height, a preaching sea monk is an awe-inspiring spectacle!

Twice per day, a sea monk may heal all creatures within a 30’ radius of 2d6 hp damage, affecting only those beings who have made a meaningful sacrifice to the sea or the oceanic gods within the last month (including the sea monk itself).

Sea monks are not generally hostile, but if pressed they can defend themselves. In addition to slapping foes with their short, but rough-scaled, tentacles, a sea monk can cast a harmful spell three times each day. When a sea monk uses this ability, roll 1d7 and consult the table below:

1. Briny water fills one target’s lungs within 30’, causing 1d6 Stamina damage (DC 12 Fort for half).

2. Red scale sprout all over all foes within 60’, impeding movement enough to cause 1d3 Agility damage. There is no save, but victims gain +1 AC from the scales until they fall away when the Agility damage is healed.

3. A trident of solidified sea water strikes at a target within 60’ (1d8 damage, DC 16 Reflex save negates).

4. 1d4 masses of phantasmal spiny starfish launch at foes within 30’, doing 1d3 damage each round until a DC 14 Will save succeeds. These masses can be used to target separate foes, but two or more can also be used against the same foe to increase damage. When more than one mass targets the same victim, a single successful save negates all masses affecting that creature.

5. A wave rises and smashes down on all foes within 30’, doing 1d3 damage and requiring a DC 12 Reflex save to avoid being knocked over. Allies are miraculously untouched.

6. As blood turns to sea water, one target within 60’ takes 1d6 damage (DC 13 Fort for half).

7. One target within 120’, to which the sea monk has line of sight, takes 1d3 damage and must succeed on a DC 7 Will save or transform into sea water, dying instantly.

Grellican

This comes to you thanks to Reddit user timplausible from their comment on this post.

Illustration by Noble Hardesty

Grellican: Init +3; Atk Tentacle +2 melee (1d2 plus grab and stuff) or beak +0 melee (1d4 plus swallow); AC 12; HD 2d8; MV fly 40’; Act 5d20; SP grab and stuff, swallow, bill pouch, death throes; SV Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +3; AL C.

Swarming around piers of sardonyx and quays of porphyry in the Dreamlands, these creatures sometimes pass into the waking world at twilight when the borders are thin. What they consume in the Dreamlands is a mystery, but once within the waking world their appetites cannot be appeased.

A grellican is a creature similar to a grell or a grell-ba-tross, and is found along seacoasts during twilight hours and early morning, when the borders between Dream and Reality are thin. A grellican looks like a giant brown-white brain, some two feet in diameter, with birdlike wings, a pelican-like bill, and four long dangling tentacles.

Each tentacle can grab its target unless they succeed in an opposed Strength check (vs. +2), and the victim is automatically stuffed into the grellican’s bill pouch the next round unless it somehow escapes. Each tentacle has 2 hp; these do not count against the creature’s normal hit points, and a severed tentacle regenerates in 1d3 days. Blunt weapons cannot be used to sever tentacles. A victim can also use an action die to force another opposed Strength check, escaping if successful.

Likewise, if the grellican makes a successful bill attack against a target, the target much succeed in a DC 7 Reflex save or be swallowed and deposited into the grellican’s bill pouch. No matter how many creatures are stuffed into a grellican’s pouch, or how large they are, the pouch never appears larger than then of a pelican from outside.

A grellican’s bill can open to nightmarish dimensions, allowing the creature to force creatures as large as a cow into its bill pouch. The bill pouch itself is an extra-dimensional space which confines and slowly dissolves its victims at a rate of 1d3 hp per turn. A character within the bill pouch can attack it with a bladed weapon, with a -2d penalty to attack rolls and damage (AC 16), but the damage they do does not count against the grellican’s total hit points. Should they succeed in causing 8 hp damage in a single attack, a rent is created and everything in the grellican’s pouch is sucked into a dreamworld. If you backed the Painted Wastelands kickstarter and ordered the DCC Conversion Guide, this is an excellent chance to use it!

Otherwise, when a grellican is reduced to 0 hp, it begins to dissolve into dreamstuff and is fully gone in 1d6+1 rounds. One creature per round can be rescued from the grellican’s bill pouch per round while this is happening, should anyone think to do so. Those still within the bill pouch may be deposited into some distant Dreamland with a successful Luck check. The judge may allow some special quest to recover those who fail. Otherwise, they are forever lost.

Grell-Ba-Tross

 

Illustration by Noble Hardesty

Grell-Ba-Tross: Init +2; Atk Tentacle +2 melee (1d2 plus venom) or beak +0 melee (1d8) or screech; AC 14; HD 3d8; MV fly 30’; Act 7d20; SP Blindsense 120’, venom (1d3 temporary Agility damage, Fort DC 5 negates), screech (30’ radius, DC 8 Will or lose next action), tentacle vulnerability, afraid of cats; SV Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3; AL C.

These smaller cousins of the grell lurk under wharves and in seaside sewers, scavenging fish guts and rats to sustain themselves unless some unlucky sailor, vagrant, or sewer-jack should encounter them. Ship’s cats and the strays which are found around the same places are singularly immune to the grell-ba-tross’s hunger; indeed, although the monster makes nocturnal forays along the docks and in the shallows, it is never seen in the presence of a cat. Some old sea dogs claim that the sudden appearance of a cat has saved them from a grisly fate. According to these ancient mariners, grell-ba-tross will even be so bold as to come aboard harbored ships on moonless nights, but flee from the sight of even a peg-legged cat, even though an easy meal was otherwise in their slimy grasp.  

The grell-ba-tross looks much like its cousin, the grell, but it is only three feet in diameter, with a large beak resembling that of an albatross, and only six tentacles long and strong enough to attack. Its tentacles exude a mild paralytic venom that causes 1d3 points of temporary Agility damage unless a DC 5 Fort save succeeds. This damage heals at the rate of 1 point per minute, starting 1 turn after it first affects a victim. Each tentacle has 3 hp; these do not count against the creature’s normal hit points, and a severed tentacle regenerates in 1d3 days. Blunt weapons cannot be used to sever tentacles.

A grell-ba-tross which forgoes a beak attack can also shriek – a powerful sonic and psionic attack which forces all creatures within a 30’ radius to make a DC 12 Fort save or lose their next action. Creatures with multiple action dice lose only their largest action die, and may still act using any additional action dice.

The venom sacs in a grell-ba-tross’s tentacles can yield 1d3 usable doses of venom with a successful Handle Poison check, and each of the six large tentacles (severed or not) can be milked of this numbing agent. This thin venom can be used as a contact poison, but if there is a way to further distill or strengthen it, it has yet to be discovered.

The true value in grell-ba-tross is in the meat of its tentacles, which is variable in flavor and can sometimes yield a high price from epicures and wealthy trenchermen. Untested grell-ba-tross tentacles can be sold for 1d6 sp each, but the potential value is higher if the seller samples a portion themselves. Even then, a buyer will wish to ascertain the flavor of a given tentacle before purchase.

1 in 20 grell-ba-tross have poisonous tentacles (1d6 damage plus DC 16 Fort or additional 2d8 damage and an additional DC 16 Fort or death). For non-poisonous tentacles, roll 1d6 and consult below:

1. You are what you eat, and this grell-ba-tross had a steady diet of garbage. Worthless.

2. Rather rubbery and gamey, but there is a lot of meat here. Worth 2d4 cp per tentacle.

3. What flavor is it? It’s bloody albatross flavored! Worth 3d10 cp per tentacle.

4. Tastes a bit like chicken. Worth 1d6 sp per tentacle.

5. Fine grainy texture and the taste of well-aged marinated beef. Worth 1d6 gp per tentacle.

6. Ambrosia steeped in nectar! These magnificent tentacles are worth 3d20 gp each!

Note that all of any specific grell-ba-tross’s tentacles have the same flavor. And, yes, grilling up poisonous grell-ba-tross tentacles to feed to regents, enemies, and overbearing supervisors has been known to occur!

 

Adventures that Matter

Cross-posted from reddit:

The only thing that makes adventure matter is presenting players with choices where the consequences matter, and where there is enough context that they have at least some idea of what those consequences may be. And I don't mean a choice where there is an obviously right answer.

To use Lord of the Rings, when the Company sets out from Rivendell, they don't know that they are making the right choice. Going around the mountains and passing through Gondor, trying the mountain pass, and going through Moria all have potential risks, and they do not know which is the right way. LotR, especially the novels, is full of points where the characters make choices, and do not know which is the right choice to make. They do, however, have some idea of the consequences of their options, and they do discuss them,

The first adventure I wrote for Goodman Games has the quest-giver as the villain. It is pretty clear that this is the case, and pretty clear that giving her what she wants will not end well. Less clear, but equally true, is that taking what she wants for one of the PCs (explicitly possible in the adventure) will cause problems in the long run. There is also a magic sword with a similar issue: you gain power, but have to deal with the drawbacks if you take it.

I have run this adventure many times, for many players, and every group has made different choices when dealing with the issues it presents. The adventure matters to them because their choices drive the narrative, for good or ill. The adventure matters to me because I get to be just as surprised as anyone else at the table because I am not the one driving the narrative.

And that's really the whole secret. Making player choices that matter makes an adventure that matters.

Launch Alert

I have been a huge fan of Tales From the Smoking Worm. Since the first issue the quality is mercilessly hard to beat. With Issue #10 coming soon, I wanted to take the chance to get the word out.

I've done a few reviews of past offerings, and I have found things to enjoy and to use at the game table in every issue thus far. I don't think that is going to change soon! These really are well-written, professional-grade zines, and I hope you will support them.

Ostrich Skeleton

Ostrich Skeleton: Init +2; Atk kick +1 melee (1d6+1); AC 12; HD 2d6; MV 50’; Act 1d20; SP un-dead, half damage from cutting and piercing weapons; SV Fort +3; Ref +3; Will -2; AL C.

For some reason, ostrich skeletons are attracted to picnickers and love to disrupt joyful outings of all types.

Bag of the Fates

In honor of this beautiful dice bag, made for me by my brother at Vault 0, here is a magic item: 

Bag of the Fates

This pouch is found with an assortment of small stones within, each associated with good or bad luck. Larger stones are typically indicative of greater variations in luck.

This object is represented by a dice bag with a random assortment of dice therein. The owning player may choose to select a single die and roll it when the judge requires any roll. The result is added to the die roll as if it were spent Luck, although thieves and halflings gain no special bonus and this bonus cannot be spent to help the rolls of an ally (as with halflings, fleeting luck, or similar).

Once the owning player has gained a positive modifier, the judge may require that they select another die at any time and roll it, subtracting the result from a selected roll. The judge may continue requiring that the player select a die until the penalty equals or surpasses the previous bonus. At this time, selection again becomes the player's choice, and the die becomes a bonus until the player has again received more bonuses than penalties (the bag confers a bonus whenever the bonuses and penalties are in balance).

Only one draw can be made per roll, whether as a bonus or penalty, and the Bag of the Fates disappears once the last die is drawn, regardless of where the ledger stands.

Note that the player drawing from the Bag of Fate need not draw dice randomly; they may attempt to "game fortune" if they choose by selected larger or smaller dice on specific rolls. It is recommended that the judge keep track of the current tally of bonuses to penalties.

Something similar to the lovely dice bag pictured here is available to order from Vault 0. The embroidered raven design can be purchased; the "Crowking" with the crown was created as a unique artifact!

The Rusted Wyrm

When I was in the US last month, I picked up some awesome metal business cards from The Rusted Wyrm. Mostly, they just looked too cool to pass up. The picture really doesn't do them justice.

The sculpture that they get their name from? I have plans to provide DCC statistics for that! 

(You can see the sculpture in action if you follow the link above!)

Full Disclosure: Rusted Wyrm is owned by my brother-in-law. A stand-up guy, and one I am happy to suppport!

DCC Day: When Snowmen Attack!

 

        Saturday July 20th

12 - 4

At the 

Sword & Board

All Materials Provided!

Let’s Convert the Hawkmoon Bestiary: Sea Dragon, Stenchrunner, Swampsnapper, War Jaguar, and Wraith-Folk of Soryandum

This is a bit of a longer post, but the goal is to finish off creature conversions from the Hawkmoon role-playing game. Again, I am finding creatures which the 1e Fiend Folio seems to pay homage to. The stenchrunner is very different in some ways to the witherstench, but I would think the latter was inspired by the former. Similarly, the swampsnapper may well have provided the inspiration for the bonesnapper.

As always, I am adjusting material to meet DCC’s design, and using the Hawkmoon bestiary, rather then the original source material, as the basis of statistics.

Sea Dragon

Sea Dragon: Init +0; Atk claw +10 melee (1d8) or bite +10 melee (1d12) or tail lash +10 melee (1d20) or wing buffet +10 melee (2d12); AC 23; HD 8d12; MV 60’ or fly 120’ or swim 120’; Act 4d20; SV Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +8; AL N.

Although not true dragons, sea dragons are fearsome foes which are formidable on land, in water, and in the air. They serve the Runestaff, but are themselves thoroughly evil, and sometimes attack coastal settlements. Luckily, they are also weaker than true dragons, and lack both breath weapon and spells.

Stenchrunner

Stenchrunner: Init +0; Atk bite +0 melee (1d6) or claw +2 melee (1d4); AC 12; HD 2d8; MV 30’ or climb 30’; Act 2d20; SP stench, stealth +4; SV Fort +2, Ref +0, Will +0; AL C.

Stenchrunners are nocturnal baboon-like creatures with toothed bird-like beaks and long cat-like claws. They inhabit ruined cities, where they stealthily stalk and ambush prey. Their oily fur gives off a nauseating reek, and any other creature within 10’ of a stenchrunner takes an automatic -2 penalty to attack rolls, AC, and spell checks as a result, unless they have no sense of smell. When stenchrunners attack, they emit a horrible hissing sound.

Swampsnapper

Swampsnapper: Init +4; Atk bite +2 melee (1d8) or claw +3 melee (1d4); AC 14; HD 4d8; MV 30’ or or swim 30’; Act 2d20; SP stealth +10, leap; SV Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +0; AL C.

These fast-breeding marshland creatures have alligator-like snouts and squat, heavily bristled bodies. They can leap up to 10’ as part of a move, using their muscular legs for power and their long thick tails for balance. They vary greatly in color, but all can hide in marshy environments and move stealthily, often sneaking up and leaping upon prey. They lay heaps of eggs in mud nests, which hatch into young capable of hunting in 1d3 weeks.

Swampsnappers are evil-tempered, and once they have set their mind on eating a particular creature, nothing short of death can change it. Some magic, such as charm person and forget, may dull this instinct for a while, but never permanently. Luckily, swampsnappers are extremely stupid.

War Jaguar

War Jaguar: Init +4; Atk bite +7 melee (1d10+3) or claws +4 melee (1d5+3) or tail lash +3 melee (1d6); AC 16; HD 6d8; MV 40’ or climb 20’ or swim 30’; Act 3d20; SP rake, stealthy (+6 to surprise), tracking; SV Fort +6, Ref +4, Will +5; AL N.

War jaguars are enormous creatures with heads as large as those of oxen. Their backs are lined with a foot-high row of yellow spines, running down to their barb-tipped tails. Bred long ago in Asia Communista, they are incapable of breeding, but their natural lifespans are millennia long. Although magic may give limited control over these vicious animals, hungry war jaguars will sometimes attack their handlers and trainers when using more conventional methods.

 Wraith-Folk of Soryandum

Wraith-Folk: Init +4; Atk none; AC 10; HD 1d6; MV fly 30’ or swim 30’; Act 1d20; SP immaterial, carry, hide +10, ESP; SV Fort +0; Ref +4; Will +8; AL N.

Similar to the Great Good Ones, the Wraith-folk also gave up corporeal existence to survive the Tragic Millennium. They are immaterial, and therefore immune to most attacks, although some forms of magical energy may harm them at the judge’s discretion. They are able to carry creatures up to human-sized individually (or larger as a group) while flying or moving through water.  Because they exist in another dimension, they are difficult to see and can hide very easily. They have a limited form of ESP, by reading mental vibrations, which allows them to discern intentions and to tell friends from foes.

The Wraith-folk have no effective attacks, although they can give guidance and instruction to those they deem friends. Before they transferred to the other dimension, the Wraith-folk stored a great number of artifacts in a cavern outside Soryandum, guarded by the machine beast, which must be outwitted or otherwise dealt with before items can be removed. At the judge’s discretion, these artifacts may be technological in nature, magical, or some combination of the two.

 

Let’s Convert the Hawkmoon Bestiary: Mountain Giant, Ocean Ghoul, Octiguana, and Pteroon

Looking at the Hawkmoon RPG, it is pretty clear that, while some stats scale along the same lines as Dungeons & Dragons (at it appeared at the time) or Dungeon Crawl Classics, the correspondence is not always “1 to 1”.  Ultimately, it has to be our goal to make material usable for the game we are playing. In this case, I am adjusting material to meet DCC’s design, and that requires interpretation of the source material.

That the ocean ghouls use rapiers is interesting, because one would assume such weapons wouldn’t survive long immersed in salty ocean water. These rapiers are probably made of an unusual metal, and so would be of potential interest to elves. Although DCC doesn’t include the rapier as a standard weapon, I just gave it damage akin to a short sword.

Out of the Hawkmoon bestiary, the octiguana is my favorite creature, for reasons even I cannot explain. Maybe it’s just how easily I could see including them in almost any adventure. It may be my inherent cruelty as a judge, because I can easily see a PC foregoing attacks to escape the creature’s many arms, as more arms grip them and the creature gets ever-greater bonuses to its bite attacks.

Mountain Giant

Mountain Giant (8’ tall, 900 lbs.): Init +0; Atk huge club +10 melee (2d6+6) or hurled stone +5 ranged (1d8+4, range 60’) or huge bow +5 ranged (1d6+4, range 200’/500’/1,500’); AC 14; HD 5d10; MV 30’; Act 1d20; SV Fort +8, Ref +6, Will +5; AL C.

Oladahn: Init +2; Atk longsword +5 melee (1d8+1) or short sword +5 melee (1d6+1) or dagger +5 melee (1d4+1) or longbow +6 ranged (1d6); AC 14; HD 3d10+6; hp 26; MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP stealth +4, climb sheer surfaces +5; SV Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +6; AL N.

Mountain giants are mutant humans found in the Bulgar Mountains. They are very broad, and covered in wiry hair of any color natural to their base human stock. Their appetites are immense, and they practice cannibalism – going even so far as to eat weaker members of their own families when nothing better is available.

Oladahn, one of Hawkmoon’s companions, is a mountain giant who suffered a pituitary defect preventing him from growing beyond human size and strength. He fled the mountains to avoid being eaten by his Uncle Barkyou. Shorter than average for a human, Oladahn has rusty brown fur and wears leather armor.

Mountain giants from the Fiend Folio seem to be unrelated.

Ocean Ghoul

Ocean Ghoul: Init +0; Atk rapier +2 melee (1d6) or bite +0 melee (1d3); AC 12; HD 1d6; MV 30’ or swim 50’; Act 1d20; SP water dependency; SV Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +0; AL C.

These vile aquatic humanoids have webbed hands and feet and long tadpole-like tails. Their rubbery skin is a sickly blue-white hue, and their sharp-toothed mouths stretch nearly from ear to ear. They are found in shallow waters around reefs and rocky outcroppings, usually only attacking small vessels with raiding parties of 3d6 members. However, sometimes multiple bands work together to attack larger ships.

Ocean ghouls cannot live more than a few hours outside of water, and they dislike bright sunlight.

Octiguana

Octiguana: Init -2; Atk bite +3 melee (3d4) or arm +5 melee (1d4 plus hold, up to 10’ away) or tongue +8 ranged (hold and pull, range 30’); AC 15; HD 3d8; MV 40’ or climb 20’ or swim 30’; Act 2d20; SP arm attacks, hold, pull; SV Fort +2, Ref -2, Will -2; AL N.

Temple Octiguana: Init +0; Atk bite +1 melee (3d4) or arm +3 melee (1d3 plus hold, up to 5’ away) or tongue +8 ranged (hold and pull, range 20’); AC 14; HD 1d8; MV 40’ or climb 20’ or swim 30’; Act 2d20; SP arm attacks, hold, pull; SV Fort +1, Ref -1, Will +0; AL N.

These creatures are large black lizards with a collar of eight octopus-like arms around their necks. Each round, an octiguana can attack using 1d4 of these arms (as separate attacks) using a single action die. These arms grip opponents, making them easier to bite (+2 per arm), and can be escaped with a DC 14 Strength check per arm. Victims gain one free Strength check per round, but may use their action dice to secure more.

The octiguana’s tongue attack does no damage, but pulls its victim to the octiguana, allowing a free bite attack with a +2 bonus. The tongue can be severed with 10 hp damage, but any damage to its tongue causes the creature to release and retract its tongue, which it will not use again until healed. The tongue’s grip otherwise requires a DC 30 Strength check to break.

Smaller octiguanas have been bred for centuries in the blood pool of the Temple of Batach Gerandium, with stats as indicated above. Both types are carnivorous, and nearly always hungry.

Pteroon

Pteroon: Init +6; Atk bite +2 melee (1d6) or claw +4 melee (1d4) or wing buffet +5 melee (1d3) or shriek; AC 14; HD 2d8; MV fly 40’; Act 2d20; SP shriek (Fort DC 15 or be stunned and unable to act for 1 round, 30’ cone with 30’ base), stop to eat; SV Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +0; AL C.

Genetically altered bats native to Persia, these black creatures have long arms and bony claws in addition to their wings. Once a bat has killed a target, it must make a DC 10 Will save for each additional target it kills, or it stops to eat for 2d6 minutes or until interrupted. A body eaten by a pteroon without interruption cannot be recovered (rolled over), even if some remains are left. It the pteroon is slain or driven off, though, there is a chance that by some lucky miracle the fallen adventurer survived (as per normal rules).

These creatures stink of old blood and decaying flesh.

See also Doombat.

Let’s Convert the Hawkmoon Bestiary: The Machine-Beast, Mesmerose, and Minim

Looking at the Hawkmoon RPG, it is pretty clear that, while some stats scale along the same lines as Dungeons & Dragons (at it appeared at the time) or Dungeon Crawl Classics, the correspondence is not always “1 to 1”.  Ultimately, it has to be our goal to make material usable for the game we are playing. In this case, I am adjusting material to meet DCC’s design, and that requires interpretation of the source material.

Not everything in Hawkmoon requires a full statblock, or even a standard statblock. Some things just require the judge to have rules available for their effects. The Mesmerose in this post, and the Jeebies in the last, are good examples of this. Otherwise, these statistics are based almost entirely on Hawkmoon, which means that there might be some differences between them and the original Tragic Millennium stories. If a creature appears in Hawkmoon (or Stormbringer, when I get to it) that also appears in the Deities & Demigods tome, I will either do a separate conversion, or note that the source material doesn’t differ enough to make a separate conversion worthwhile.

The Machine-Beast

Machine-Beast: Init +0; Atk talon +8 melee (2d10) or bite +6 melee (2d10) or tail lash +6 melee (1d10) or crush +2 melee (5d10); AC 20; HD 12d12; hp 88; MV 40’; Act 3d20; SP construct, DR 20, sharp weapon-breaking plating, crush; SV Fort +12, Ref +4, Will +0; AL N.

“It crouched on metal feet, towering over them, its multi-colored scales half-blinding them. The length of its back, save for its neck, was a mass of knife-sharp horns. It had a body fashioned … like an ape’s, with short hind legs and long forelegs, ending in hands of taloned metal. Its eyes were multifaceted like a fly’s, and its snout was full of razor-sharp metal teeth.”

-          THE MAD GOD’S AMULET

There is only one Machine-Beast, which guards Soryandum, attacking anything entering the cavern except the Wraith-folk. A creation of the Wraith-folk of Soryandum, placed to protect their artifacts from outsiders, it can presumably be repaired by the Wraith-folk through proxies, so even though Hawkmoon rendered the creature blind when he encountered it, that may no longer be the case. Moreover, the mechanism itself may have some self-repair function which, over time, “heals” whatever damage it takes.

The metal plating of the machine-beast makes it difficult to damage. It subtracts the first 20 points of damage from any successful attack against it, regardless of the source. Worse, anyone who makes a successful melee attack against the machine-beast must roll a Reflex save, with varying effects based on the result: (5 or less) non-magical weapon shattered plus 1d8 damage from sharp protuberances, (6-10) 1d6 damage from knife-sharp horns, or (11+) no effect.

The machine-beast’s crush attack uses all of its action dice, but attacks all targets in a 15’ radius up to 20’ away from the machine-beast’s starting location. The machine-beast leaps into the air, attempting to land on its victim(s). It’s half-blinding scales make it more difficult to hit, and are already factored into the creature’s Armor Class. Although a construct, critical hits and mighty deeds can damage its functioning.

Mesmerose

Brilliant flowers made from what appears to be rainbow-hued crystal, these plants enthrall those who see them and fail to make a DC 15 Will save. Enthralled creatures can do nothing other than gaze upon the flower until they die of hunger and thirst or another creature intervenes (by pulling the victim away, interrupting their vision, etc.). A new save is required each time a mesmerose is glimpsed. In addition from offering some protection from being eaten themselves, this defense utilizes the creatures destroyed through privation as fertilizer when they decompose.

Intelligent creatures aware of the presence of mesmerose bushes may use them to capture intruders, although they run the same risk should they accidently glance at the plants themselves.

Minim

Minim: Init +2; Atk miniature spear +0 melee (1d3-2, minimum 0); AC 14; HD 1 hp; MV 20’; Act 1d16; SV Fort -4; Ref +4; Will -4; AL N.

Minim swarm: Init +2; Atk swarming spears and bites +2 melee (1d3); AC 16; HD 3d8; MV 20’; Act special; SP swarm traits; SV Fort +4, Ref +8, Will +0; AL N.

Hairy mutant humans with completely hairless heads, minims live in the ruins of Yei. They have neither language nor culture, and are not normally dangerous. Minims may watch intruders from behind cover, but these shy creatures do nothing else unless compelled to by magic or super-science. In this case, or if somehow otherwise provoked, they attack en masse as a swarm.

Let’s Convert the Hawkmoon Bestiary: Charki, Great Good One, and Jeebie

Looking at the Hawkmoon RPG, it is pretty clear that, while some stats scale along the same lines as Dungeons & Dragons (at it appeared at the time) or Dungeon Crawl Classics, the correspondence is not always “1 to 1”.  Ultimately, it has to be our goal to make material usable for the game we are playing. In this case, I am adjusting material to meet DCC’s design, and that requires interpretation of the source material.

Not everything in Hawkmoon requires a full statblock, or even a standard statblock. Some things just require the judge to have rules available for their effects. The Jeebies in this post are a good example of this. For those who are interested, statistics for giant flamingos appear in the Cyclopedia of Common Animals Volume F. Although these are not specifically avian denizens of the Tragic Millennium, they are definitely a nod thereunto. There is also a mural in Through the Cotillion of Hours which references giant flamingos, and this is the reason why.

These statistics are based almost entirely on Hawkmoon, which means that there might be some differences between them and the original Tragic Millennium stories. If a creature appears in Hawkmoon (or Stormbringer, when I get to it) that also appears in the Deities & Demigods tome, I will either do a separate conversion, or note that the source material doesn’t differ enough to make a separate conversion worthwhile. I have yet to do these conversions for my Patreon, so they won't appear in this blog until sometime next year.

Charki

Charki: Init +0; Atk mental rays (madness) or tentacle +8 melee (1d6 plus life force drain); AC 12; HD 6d12; MV 30’; Act (1d6+1)d20; SP mental rays, variable tentacle attacks, life force drain, healed by electricity, immortal; SV Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +8; AL C.

The immortal charki resemble gigantic angleworms with stone-grey skin, from which protrude masses of tentacles and other strange protuberances. The faces upon their pulsating heads are a parody of human features, grinning idiotic grins.

Charki can emit mental rays in a 300-foot range. All non-charki in this range must succeed in a DC 5 Will save or suffer madness, seeing friend as foe and directing all attacks against allies. This save must be rolled each round until either the victim is beyond the range of these mental rays, or they roll either a natural “1” or “20”. If they roll a natural “1” they remain affected for the next 1d6 turns with no additional save. If they roll a natural “20” they are immune for the next 24 hours, and do not need to roll additional saves.

In addition, a charki can attack with 1d6 tentacles each round. On a successful hit, the charki drains life force from the target, who must succeed in a DC 10 Fort save or take 1d3 points of attribute damage. Randomly determine which attribute each point is taken from.

These creatures were created long ago by the scientist Zhenadar-vron-Kensai, and are effectively immortal. If reduced to 0 hp and their bodies are not utterly destroyed, they merely remain dormant until regenerated by the passage of long years. In addition to consuming the life force from living creatures, the charki feed off of electricity, and are healed instead of harmed by electrical attacks. They usually travel in groups of 2d6 individuals.

Great Good One

Great Good One: Init +4; Atk sleepsong (DC 15 Will or sleep for 2d6 hours); AC 10; HD 1d6; MV fly 30’; Act 1d20; SP sleepsong, immaterial, carry; SV Fort +0; Ref +4; Will +8; AL N.

The Great Good Ones were once mortal humans who have become energy beings due to a scientific discovery made at the onset of the Tragic Millennium. They now serve and protect the Runestaff and its spirit, Jehamiah Cohnahlias. They appear as colored shadows, and can grow or shrink at will, to be smaller than a halfling or as large as a giant. They communicate through song.

The Great Good Ones are now immaterial, and are immune to most attacks, although some forms of magical energy may harm them at the judge’s discretion. They are able to make creatures fall asleep through their singing (DC 15 Will or sleep 2d6 hours), and can carry creatures up to human-sized individually (or larger as a group). Those who seem to carry ill intent are put to sleep and moved outside the Great Good One’s home in Dnark. Those who seem to be of goodwill are taken to the hospitable Jehamiah.

Jeebie

Jeebies are dandelion-like plants whose stalks terminate in eye-like structures rather than flowers. They are mobile, and can crawl along the ground at MV 1’.  If any creature comes within view, the jeebies freeze in place, merely watching with their eyestalk-blossoms…although they move closer if a creature looks away, freezing in place again if observed.

Jeebies grow in herd-like patches of hundreds of plants. They have no attack, and are not dangerous. They may be unsettling, however.

Let’s Convert the Hawkmoon Bestiary: Baragoon and Bloodseeker

Hawkmoon was published by Chaosium in 1986, and was a sister game to Stormbringer in bringing Michael Moorcock’s “Eternal Champion” series to tabletop gaming. Many of the creatures in Hawkmoon either appear in the Dungeon Crawl Classics Cyclopedia of Creatures, are normal animals (and thus either already do or will appear in the Cyclopedia of Common Animals, which is a current project on my Patreon), or both. I am not going to convert these separately. The goal here is to provide the setting-specific beings that will both aid in converting material and offer an opportunity to add a bit more Moorcock into any DCC campaign.

These statistics are based almost entirely on Hawkmoon, which means that there might be some differences between them and the original Tragic Millennium stories. If a creature appears in Hawkmoon (or Stormbringer, when I get to it) that also appears in the Deities & Demigods tome, I will either do a separate conversion, or note that the source material doesn’t differ enough to make a separate conversion worthwhile.

Baragoon

Baragoon: Init +0; Atk talon +6 melee (1d4+4) or bite +4 melee (1d6+4); AC 15; HD 2d8; MV 30’ or swim 30’; Act 2d20; SP camouflage +10, gibbering; SV Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +6; AL C.

Also known as marsh gibberers, there were once many of these creatures in the Kamarg swamps, although Count Brass and his men have reduced their numbers significantly. Baragoon are ambush predators, which rise gibbering from the wetlands, flailing their talons. Those who fail a DC 15 Will save are frozen in horror, and unable to act on the first non-surprise round of combat.

These creatures were once human, transformed into their monstrous shapes by hideous magic and/or blasphemous science. They are 8 feet high and very broad, with bile-colored flesh. They can slither along at their full Move so as to remain hidden until ready to leap onto their prey. These sadistic creatures will consume the limbs of a still-living victim if they are given the chance. Their talons are as hard as steel.

(As an aside, it very much seems to me that the Babbler from the 1st Edition Fiend Folio was directly inspired by this monster.)

Bloodseeker

Bloodseeker: Init +2; Atk bite +0 melee (1d3 plus blood drain and mutant rabies); AC 8; HD 1d3; MV 30’ or burrow 10’; Act 1d20; SP surprise, latch, blood drain, mutant rabies; SV Fort -2; Ref +0; Will -4; AL C.

Inhabiting ancient ruins, cave systems, and gullies, these creatures lie in wait, burrowing upward to attack victims. Those who fail a DC 15 Intelligence check in the first round of combat are surprised (elves gain a +4 bonus to this check due to their heightened senses).

When a bloodseeker successfully bites a victim, it latches on and begins to drain blood at a rate of 1d3 Strength damage per round. It can be removed with an opposed Strength check (vs. +2), a successful Mighty Deed, or by killing the creature. Bloodseekers carry a mutated form of rabies. Victims of their bite attacks must succeed on a DC 12 Fort save or die in 1d4 weeks if not otherwise cured.

The monsters themselves have lean, sinewy bodies, naked leathery hides, and huge bony claws. Their faces resemble a cross between a pug dog’s and a bat’s, with razor-sharp chisel-like teeth. Although nocturnal by choice, they are in no way harmed or impaired by sunlight. Bloodseeker colonies number 2d100 creatures on average, making them a serious threat wherever they are found.

 

Let’s Convert the Melnibonéan Mythos: Vampire Trees and Vulture Lion

This is the final post converting creatures from the Melnibonéan Mythos section in the original version of Deities & Demigods. As previously noted, I will also be converting creatures from the Hawkmoon and Stormbringer games, but only those which are unique to the setting. Converting war jaguars is worthwhile. Converting wolves, bears, and falcons would simply reproduce work I am already doing or which has already been done.

Because I have converted Hawkmoon creatures, but not those from Stormbringer yet, for my Patreon, you will be seeing those here first. Stormbringer conversions will hit the Patreon later this year, with them being reposted to this blog sometime next year.

If there ever is an Eternal Champion DCC Boxed Set, I would expect the team at Goodman Games to do what they have done for all literary conversions to this point - go through the actual works in question and convert from primary sources. In that event, while having an extra set of statistics for, say, vampire trees might be useful to the harried judge, the official conversions in the boxed set should be closer to the original author's true intent.

Vampire Trees

Vampire Tree: Init +0; Atk none; AC 20; HD 12d8; MV 0’; Act 1d20; SP release leaves, never surprised, fire vulnerability; SV Fort +16, Ref -10, Will +6; AL N.

Vampire Tree Leaf: Init +0; Atk touch +8 melee (attach and blood drain); AC 11; HD 2 hp; MV fly 30’; Act 1d16; SP attach, blood drain (1d4 Stamina damage, Fort DC 12 for half); SV Fort -4, Ref +6, Will +0; AL N.

These appear to be natural trees of other kind, but are possessed of a low, evil intelligence. When creatures approach within 50 feet, they release 1d10 leaves, which seem to drift downward as do leaves everywhere. When they come in contact with a body, the leaves attach themselves. The following round, they drain blood from their victims, at a rate of 1d4 Stamina damage per round (Fort DC 12 for half), until their victim is drained of blood, moves more than 360 feet from the parent tree, or they are forcibly detached. Surviving leaves return the their parent tree to feed it with their victim’s blood.

A vampire tree can only control 10 leaves at a time, but its supply of replacement leaves is effectively limitless. They take twice normal damage from fire and fire-based attacks, and consequently fear flames.

Vulture Lion

Vulture Lion: Init +4; Atk claw +6 melee (2d6) or bite +4 melee (3d6); AC 18; HD 8d8+16; MV 40’; Act 3d20; SP immunity to fear, +5 to saves vs. spells and magic, death throes; SV Fort +10; Ref +4; Will +5; AL C.

These huge creatures were created by the Melnibonéans from the raw fibers Chaos itself. They appear as enormous lions, 10 feet tall at the shoulder, with the head and talons of vultures. In Limbo, they hunt in prides of 3d4 members. Summoned to the Fields We Know, they are fierce combatants, but the summoner must succeed in an additional DC 15 Intelligence check to command these creatures. Failure means they turn on their summoner, killing them if possible. If their summoner is slain, the powers of Chaos return the vulture lions to Limbo. When a vulture lion is slain, the Chaos bound within it unravels – creatures within 30’ must succeed in a Luck check or suffer a random corruption effect. Roll 1d10 modified by Luck: (3 or less) Greater Corruption, (4-6) Major Corruption, (7 or more) Minor Corruption.