However, the ring never fits the person it is given to.
If received as a gift, the recipient must make a DC 20 Will save or feel slighted by the gift, and seek to get rid of it by whatever means seem feasible (such as selling the ring). While the gifter may be able to salvage the relationship, the magic of this pernicious band is long-lasting, and some special quest (or series of quests) might be required to prove the gifter’s fidelity.
Alien, intelligent jellyfish native to the planet Madkeen, those beings now known as “quivering jellies” migrated en masse to another world when their planet’s oceans began to die. Peaceful and indolent on their own world when the salt waters carried the nutrients needed to sustain them, these creatures were forced to adapt or die upon relocation. Unfortunately, they relocated to the campaign world and have had centuries to adapt.
Unlike most terrestrial jellyfish, quivering jellies cannot sting. Instead, their tendrils are used for swimming, manipulating objects, and filter feeding nutrients from the water. On Madkeen, they defended themselves by psionically setting up vibrations in living tissue. Lightly “buzzing” predators was usually enough to warn them from approaching further.
Now, this same power is used to supply much-needed nutrients. A quivering jelly can target a single living creature within 60 feet, who takes 1d6 points of vibrational damage as the jelly’s psionic power begins to shake it apart (Fort DC 15 for half). When reduced to 0 hp, a target can take further damage until it reaches -20 hp, at which point the body is liquefied and can be neither healed nor recovered. Attempts to heal a fallen creature must also heal any negative hit point damage, as it is real damage happening to the body. Once a creature is liquefied, it can be slowly consumed if the jellies involved do not feel threatened.
Note that this is an exception to the rule that normally hit points in DCC do not go lower than 0, but then again, monsters do not need to play by the rules.
Quivering jellies can use an action die to psychically teleport up to 10 feet, which they can use to leave combat without provoking free attacks. Very large groups of quivering jellies can use this ability to teleport even farther – even interstellar distances – but this is time consuming and leaves the quivering jellies exhausted and helpless for 2d6 hours. This is, indeed, how they came to the campaign world.
Although quivering jellies are telepathic and can communicate with other intelligent creatures to a range of 200 feet, having to use their formerly defensive power to obtain food has changed them. From being wise, philosophical beings revered for their wisdom, they have become thoroughly twisted until they see empathy for other beings as a weakness.
Quivering jellies are found in warm saline waters, in tropical or sub-tropical areas. Although lawful, their communities only number 4d6 individuals as larger groups have difficulty finding enough prey. These communities maintain contact with each other, though, and individuals work together with frightening intelligence to ensure a constant supply of nutrients.
Brain Spider Swarm: Init +2; Atk swarming bite +1 melee (1 plus venom); AC 9; HD 4d8; MV 10’ or climb 10'; Act special; SP bite all targets within 20’ x 20’ space, half damage from non-area attacks, venom (Fort DC 15, 1d3 Personality on a success, 1d6 Personality on a failure); daze (30’ range, DC 10 Will to act); SV Fort +0, Ref +10, Will -2; AL N.
Monstrous Brain
Spider: Init +2; Atk bite +0 melee (1d3 plus venom); AC 12; HD 1d3;
MV 20’ or climb 20’; Act 1d20; SP venom (Fort DC 12, 1d3 Personality on a
success, 1d6 Personality on a failure), attraction (50’ range, DC 10 Will or
move toward spider and lose all actions); SV Fort -4; Ref +3; Will +2; AL C.
Giant Brain
Spider: Init +3; Atk +4 melee (1d6 plus venom); AC 14; HD 2d8; MV
30’ or climb 30’; Act 1d20; SP venom (Fort DC 20, 1d4 Personality on a success,
3d4 Personality on a failure), attraction (100’ range, DC 15 Will or move
toward spider and lose all actions); SV Fort +3; Ref +3; Will +6; AL C.
Brain spiders are intelligent creatures which are capable of working together in swarms. A normal-sized brain spider is only about the size of a human hand. Singularly or in swarms, they emanate a psychic field that dazes other (non-brain spider) creatures in their vicinity, and makes it difficult for those creatures to act. Brain spiders can choose not to daze creatures, but need not use an action die to turn this power on or off. Their venom affects the victim’s Personality, eventually rendering them catatonic and helpless.
Monstrous and giant brain spiders are even larger. Monstrous brain spiders are cat-sized, while giant brain spiders are slightly smaller than a human. These brain spiders do not simply daze creatures in their vicinity, but their emanations can make creatures take no other action but move toward the brain spider at their normal Move.
Brain spider venom heals normally. A thief may extract 1d4 doses of venom from a giant brain spider with a successful Handle Poison check, but other versions of this spider are too small to yield adequate doses. If a PC speaks the language of spiders, they may be able to convince the creature to supply venom willingly, granting a +1d bonus to the Handle Poison check.
This has been tough the last couple of years, due to health and finances. I hope to do this for many more years to come, but I am not sure how that will go. I hope to see you there! Silver badge event registration is this Saturday.
 |
| Photo Credit Unknown |
Omeyer, the Weenie Wizard: Init +2; Atk short sword +3 melee (1d6) or magic staff +3 melee (1d4+7) or spell; Crit IV/d12 AC 12; HD 6d6+6 (36 hp); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP magic staff, magic book, spellcasting (+8 spell checks) , spells: (1st) charm person, detect magic, magic missile, ventriloquism, ward portal, (2nd) fire resistance, wizard staff, (3rd) breath life, and dispel magic; SV Fort +3, Ref +1, Will +5; AL N.
Whether Omeyer was once a man whom
magical corruption turned into a living hot dog, or he was once a hot dog which
had somehow attained life, sentience, and a semi-humanoid form, is no longer
known if ever it was. Even Omeyer doesn’t seem to know. All of his spells have
manifestations relating to his form when possible. Charm person works through an appetizing aroma, for instance, and magic missile takes the form of mustard
streams and sauerkraut.
Omeyer’s magic staff acts as a +1 magical
weapon and can emit light in a 20 foot radius at Omeyer’s command. Omeyer gains
a +2 bonus when casting dispel magic
while wielding the staff, but takes 5d4 damage is the staff is ever destroyed.
Omeyer also
owns a magical book which comes from the World of the Red Doors, and was
written by the arch-sorcerer and wondrous artist Gokov Udaks. This magic book
allows the reader to use three rounds to summon a dog storm with a DC 25 spell check, as outlined below, attempted at
the end of the reading. Failure causes the readers 2d6 damage (3d6 on a natural
“1”).
Dog Storm: The reader calls down a storm of
small astral dogs from the heavens, targeting a point up to 500 feet away and covering
a radius of 200 feet. Anything in this radius which is struck by a dog (DC 25
Reflex save to avoid) takes 6d6 damage and must succeed in a Fort save (DC
equal to damage taken) or die. Cover grants a +2 to +8 bonus to the Reflex
save, depending upon the degree of cover as determined by the judge. Targets
with 100% cover are not affected The book’s reader must have line-of-sight to the
central point of impact. Once the astral dogs have impacted the ground, their
charred and pulverized corpses remain for 1d6 minutes before fading away,
although touching them at this point is no different than touching any similar burned
and smashed animal remains.
1d7
Encounters with the Weenie Wizard
1. Omeyer
is in a beerhall, trying to drown his sorrows with cheap ale. Inebriated, he
has a -4 penalty to all d20 rolls until sober once more. The Weenie Wizard is
aware of some nearby treasure he greatly desires, but he is not strong enough
to seek it alone…The judge is invited to use this as an adventure hook.
2. The
Weenie Wizard is haggling with an open-air baker, seeking to replace parts of
his bun which have gone decidedly moldy.
3. Hazards
of the Road. Omeyer is surrounded by wild dogs which cannot differentiate him
from any other sausage. He is grateful for any help.
4. Omeyer
is seeking the lost and fabulous Weinermobile, which is capable of traversing
between dimensions. If the PCs aid him, he offers them one ride into a strange
new world and back (allowing the judge to run a Mutant Crawl Classics,
Umerica, Weird Frontiers, etc., adventure).
 |
5. A rather dispirited Weenie Wizard seeks a source of condiments large enough to renew his mustard S-curl.
6. Omeyer
seeks out the five Hot Dog Suit characters that have fallen into this dimension
from a world not unlike our own. He seeks to have these hapless Hot Dogs as
acolytes and henchmen. If there is a PC using the Hot Dog Suit class, they are
among those sought by the Weenie Wizard. For more information, see The
Gongfarmer’s Almanac 2016, Volume 1.
7. Having
learned of another word by the great warlock-artist Gokov Udaks, Omeyer is on a
quest to acquire every slender volume of the Book of Hobos, which he
believes will reveal the location of a world of living meats. Perhaps, at last,
the Weenie Wizard may find a place where he fits in…
ADDENDUM 2 Jan 2024: A rumor has come to my attention that the Weenie Wizard arose upon a strange world not unwholly like our own. He is said to have encountered a malicious genie while singing a commercial jingle, and the rest is history.....
Purple Santa: Init +3; Atk sack full of presents +3 melee (1d4) or purple aura; AC 12; HD 5d8 (30 hp); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP purple aura, presents, immune to mind-affecting and cold, immortal; SV Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +6; AL N.
This cut-rate Santa appears as a Spirit of Giving each winter. His calming aura can be resisted with a DC 12 Will save, and his presents are never magical. When attacked, he fights to do real damage, and will kill if need be. Three times each day he can extend an aura of purple light with a 30 foot radius. All hostile creatures within this radius are affected as follows (1d3): (1) they must succeed in a DC 12 Will save or be transformed into a purple duck for 1d7 days, (2) they must succeed in a DC 12 Reflex save or their most precious item is pirated away and appears within Purple Santa’s sack, or (3) they must succeed in a DC 12 Fort save or take 1d8 damage from purple sorcery.
Purple Santa has no sleigh, reindeer, or workshop. If reduced to 0 hp, he and his bag simply disappear until next winter. Any item purple pirated into his sack falls to the snowy ground as he fades away.
Purple Santa can be discerned from the real Santa Claus by the plum-colored hue of his robes.
Or…Where Do We Go From Here?
We live in a world of memes, of sound bites, of divided tribes who fail to listen to each other. While the other side has no obligation to listen to you, or you to them, if you actually want to persuade anyone who doesn’t already agree with you, you have to willingly accept that obligation. Your sound bite, like mine, offers no real force of argument outside your bubble…and the people within that bubble are already of like mind.
This is what people mean by “virtue signaling” – we aren’t trying to persuade anyone so much as we are trying to show that we are part of the tribe. Republicans make fun of liberal virtue signaling, ironically using that as a means to virtue signal amongst themselves. We don’t actually look at, talk about, or – gods forbid – attempt to understand the other side on any issue. We snipe and then retreat, and the other side does the same.
We have to do better.
(“Well, why don’t they have to do better?” you ask. I will get to that.)
Eight years ago, I was asked by a gentleman I greatly respect to wait two weeks before jumping into the political debate again. These people were mourning Hilary Clinton’s loss to Donald Trump, and they needed time to process. Well, it is two weeks after a decisive Republican victory, where all of Congress as well as the White House turned red. Last time, of course, led to four years of “Russia! Russia! Russia!” rather than an admission of defeat in a fair election, followed by a Joe Biden victory which was also not followed by an admission of defeat in a fair election.
I honestly think that, were it not for Covid, we would be almost done with Trump because Biden would not have won. Not only was this outcome predictable, but I predicted it in 2016 during the primary when the DNC rigged their primary election to prevent their only truly popular candidate – Bernie Sanders – from getting the nomination. To put it in Star Trek terms, the blatancy of the primary election rigging, and fact that the majority of Democratic voters simply denied it or shrugged it off, was when we slipped into the Mirror Universe, and while what has followed domestically and on the word stage is certainly distressing, it is not at all surprising.
(And, yes, media sources contradict that rigging, or contradict the illegality of it, but they do not answer the evidence while doing so. It should be remembered that both Donna Brazile and Elizabeth Warren agreed it was rigged before the DNC got ahead of the story. The DNC also successfully argued in court that, while not admitting to the primary being rigged, they had a right to do so.)
In the wake of the more recent election, I am hearing about people cutting each other off, and have seen people using the Republican victory as an excuse to hurt family and people who would otherwise be considered friends. Honestly, do you really think that half the country is evil? I certainly do not. But I do think that politicians and their media allies have been pushing that narrative for a decade now, and it has eroded American society to an unhealthy degree.
If you understand how FOX media misleads their viewers, then you should be able to understand how MSNBC and CNN do the same for a different niche market. If you understand how MSNBC and CNN do this, you should be able to understand that FOX does the same. Both sides are being sold different versions of reality, but neither side is being presented with an accurate version. Actually talking to each other, and being willing to look at primary sources, helps a lot in gaining a clearer picture of what is actually happening.
The Republicans are not your friends. The Democrats are not your friends. Losing friends or family over either is, frankly, insane. Much of what your party tells you is untrue. That goes for both parties. They have the same donors, and serve the same interests. At this point, the US is an oligarchy, not a democracy. You will never get your democracy back without upsetting the apple cart. Trump may not be the upset you want, but you can be certain that he will not be the last, unless one of two things happens:
(1) Real change happens which disempowers the ultra-wealthy, or
(2) The ultra-wealthy consolidate their power enough to prevent that.
You can take heart that the election was not an overwhelming mandate for conservatism. Those few Democrats who have pushed progressive values actually did well, even where electors where decidedly against Kamala Harris. Where it was a ballot issue, states wanted a higher minimum wage. States have overwhelmingly supported pro-choice policies…so much so that more conservative states are attempting to legislate what happens beyond their borders. You can take these election results to indicate that Americans want progress, but that the electorate largely understands that Democrats block progress rather than enable it. I can’t imagine that supporting a genocide or preventing an end to the conflict in Ukraine which US actions certainly were responsible for has helped the Democrats much, either.
I have argued in the past that being a “social justice warrior” doesn’t help all that much, but being a “social justice cleric” – helping people become better rather than cutting them down or cutting them off – does. While I fully understand that tolerance has limits, I have also argued that intolerance is far from the ideal first reaction. I am arguing the same today.
Why don’t they have to do better? Of course everyone doing better should be our goal. You can help people to do better. You can’t force them.
There is also this: I know that some of you still believe it, but RussiaGate was bullshit. I read the Mueller Report, and I watched his testimony to Congress. I also watched the impeachment proceedings. In both cases, the Republicans came off as far more honest than the Democrats, and the media came off as less honest than either. You might not see it that way, but the majority of voters clearly did. Where we are now is entirely the fault of the Democrats and their enablers. I see no signs that the DNC is going to own their shit, so if we are not going to slide further into dystopia, we need to own ours.
The way I see it, progressives can either try to make allies, or they can give conservatives more reason to ignore and deride them. Making allies requires understanding what other people think, and why, and answering the opposition. My take on Donald Trump is that he really does want to be considered a great president. Yes, it is all about him, but what advantage is there in allowing the “swamp monsters” the only say as to how that should be achieved? Rather than spending the next four years telling him how much you hate him, why not tell him what would make America great? Why not push him to provide universal healthcare when Obama could not?
Or, you know, you can always join the DNC in blaming everyone else, and see where that takes you.
Some people sell brine shrimp and call them “sea monkeys”, but the real sea monkeys are amphibious egg-laying humanoids who swarm out of their undersea castles to capture treasure, slaves, and food. Through some unknown process, sea monkeys can confer the ability to breathe water on other creatures, and the few slaves who have escaped them can attest to this fact. If not renewed every 1d3 days, this ability ceases to function, and the slave drowns…making them completely at the mercy of their captors.
Sea monkeys can also summon a swarm of brine shrimp in a 20’ radius once per day. This does no damage, but offers concealment and a +2 bonus to AC within the swarm…except against sea monkeys, who can see right through it as though it were not there. Some sages have speculated that the three antennae growing from their heads provides a form of telepathic connection solely focused on brine shrimp.
Sea monkeys are, indeed, intelligent, frolicsome, and love to play games with each other as well as those they capture. If eager to please, it is only to please themselves. While it is true that sea monkeys love attention, it is not the kind of attention most creatures would wish to give them, and they have seldom brought smiles or laughter to anything less cruel than they are.
Their red scales acting as armored cassocks, these strange beings of the northern seas are sometimes found along coastlands in shallow waters, where they rise from the water to make impassioned sermons about Pelagia and other sea deities, about giving thanks for the ocean’s abundance, and about making sacrifices in blood and riches for successful voyages or bountiful fishing. A full 8 feet in height, a preaching sea monk is an awe-inspiring spectacle!
Twice per day, a sea monk may heal all creatures within a 30’ radius of 2d6 hp damage, affecting only those beings who have made a meaningful sacrifice to the sea or the oceanic gods within the last month (including the sea monk itself).
Sea monks are not generally hostile, but if pressed they can defend themselves. In addition to slapping foes with their short, but rough-scaled, tentacles, a sea monk can cast a harmful spell three times each day. When a sea monk uses this ability, roll 1d7 and consult the table below:
1. Briny water fills one target’s lungs within 30’, causing 1d6 Stamina damage (DC 12 Fort for half).
2. Red scale sprout all over all foes within 60’, impeding movement enough to cause 1d3 Agility damage. There is no save, but victims gain +1 AC from the scales until they fall away when the Agility damage is healed.
3. A trident of solidified sea water strikes at a target within 60’ (1d8 damage, DC 16 Reflex save negates).
4. 1d4 masses of phantasmal spiny starfish launch at foes within 30’, doing 1d3 damage each round until a DC 14 Will save succeeds. These masses can be used to target separate foes, but two or more can also be used against the same foe to increase damage. When more than one mass targets the same victim, a single successful save negates all masses affecting that creature.
5. A wave rises and smashes down on all foes within 30’, doing 1d3 damage and requiring a DC 12 Reflex save to avoid being knocked over. Allies are miraculously untouched.
6. As blood turns to sea water, one target within 60’ takes 1d6 damage (DC 13 Fort for half).
7. One target within 120’, to which the sea monk has line of sight, takes 1d3 damage and must succeed on a DC 7 Will save or transform into sea water, dying instantly.
