DCC Christmas Judge

I threw this together and posted it on my Patreon. You have to have a membership to get it, but you can become a free member, get your swag, and then end your membership if you want to.  Hopefully, it can add some season cheer to your holiday gaming! Here is a sample:

Purple Santa: Init +3; Atk sack full of presents +3 melee (1d4) or purple aura; AC 12; HD 5d8 (30 hp); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP purple aura, presents, immune to mind-affecting and cold, immortal; SV Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +6; AL N.

This cut-rate Santa appears as a Spirit of Giving each winter. His calming aura can be resisted with a DC 12 Will save, and his presents are never magical. When attacked, he fights to do real damage, and will kill if need be. Three times each day he can extend an aura of purple light with a 30 foot radius. All hostile creatures within this radius are affected as follows (1d3): (1) they must succeed in a DC 12 Will save or be transformed into a purple duck for 1d7 days, (2) they must succeed in a DC 12 Reflex save or their most precious item is pirated away and appears within Purple Santa’s sack, or (3) they must succeed in a DC 12 Fort save or take 1d8 damage from purple sorcery.

Purple Santa has no sleigh, reindeer, or workshop. If reduced to 0 hp, he and his bag simply disappear until next winter. Any item purple pirated into his sack falls to the snowy ground as he fades away.

Purple Santa can be discerned from the real Santa Claus by the plum-colored hue of his robes.

Thoughts on the US Election

Or…Where Do We Go From Here?

When I was in high school, I learned an important lesson about debating. It isn’t enough to have a strong position yourself; you need to be able to answer the opposition. And answering the opposition means actually understanding it.

We live in a world of memes, of sound bites, of divided tribes who fail to listen to each other. While the other side has no obligation to listen to you, or you to them, if you actually want to persuade anyone who doesn’t already agree with you, you have to willingly accept that obligation. Your sound bite, like mine, offers no real force of argument outside your bubble…and the people within that bubble are already of like mind.

This is what people mean by “virtue signaling” – we aren’t trying to persuade anyone so much as we are trying to show that we are part of the tribe. Republicans make fun of liberal virtue signaling, ironically using that as a means to virtue signal amongst themselves. We don’t actually look at, talk about, or – gods forbid – attempt to understand the other side on any issue. We snipe and then retreat, and the other side does the same.

We have to do better.

(“Well, why don’t they have to do better?” you ask. I will get to that.)

Eight years ago, I was asked by a gentleman I greatly respect to wait two weeks before jumping into the political debate again. These people were mourning Hilary Clinton’s loss to Donald Trump, and they needed time to process. Well, it is two weeks after a decisive Republican victory, where all of Congress as well as the White House turned red. Last time, of course, led to four years of “Russia! Russia! Russia!” rather than an admission of defeat in a fair election, followed by a Joe Biden victory which was also not followed by an admission of defeat in a fair election.

I honestly think that, were it not for Covid, we would be almost done with Trump because Biden would not have won. Not only was this outcome predictable, but I predicted it in 2016 during the primary when the DNC rigged their primary election to prevent their only truly popular candidate – Bernie Sanders – from getting the nomination. To put it in Star Trek terms, the blatancy of the primary election rigging, and fact that the majority of Democratic voters simply denied it or shrugged it off, was when we slipped into the Mirror Universe, and while what has followed domestically and on the word stage is certainly distressing, it is not at all surprising.

(And, yes, media sources contradict that rigging, or contradict the illegality of it, but they do not answer the evidence while doing so. It should be remembered that both Donna Brazile and Elizabeth Warren agreed it was rigged before the DNC got ahead of the story. The DNC also successfully argued in court that, while not admitting to the primary being rigged, they had a right to do so.)

In the wake of the more recent election, I am hearing about people cutting each other off, and have seen people using the Republican victory as an excuse to hurt family and people who would otherwise be considered friends. Honestly, do you really think that half the country is evil? I certainly do not. But I do think that politicians and their media allies have been pushing that narrative for a decade now, and it has eroded American society to an unhealthy degree.

If you understand how FOX media misleads their viewers, then you should be able to understand how MSNBC and CNN do the same for a different niche market. If you understand how MSNBC and CNN do this, you should be able to understand that FOX does the same. Both sides are being sold different versions of reality, but neither side is being presented with an accurate version. Actually talking to each other, and being willing to look at primary sources, helps a lot in gaining a clearer picture of what is actually happening.

The Republicans are not your friends. The Democrats are not your friends. Losing friends or family over either is, frankly, insane. Much of what your party tells you is untrue. That goes for both parties. They have the same donors, and serve the same interests. At this point, the US is an oligarchy, not a democracy. You will never get your democracy back without upsetting the apple cart. Trump may not be the upset you want, but you can be certain that he will not be the last, unless one of two things happens:

(1) Real change happens which disempowers the ultra-wealthy, or

(2) The ultra-wealthy consolidate their power enough to prevent that.

You can take heart that the election was not an overwhelming mandate for conservatism. Those few Democrats who have pushed progressive values actually did well, even where electors where decidedly against Kamala Harris. Where it was a ballot issue, states wanted a higher minimum wage. States have overwhelmingly supported pro-choice policies…so much so that more conservative states are attempting to legislate what happens beyond their borders. You can take these election results to indicate that Americans want progress, but that the electorate largely understands that Democrats block progress rather than enable it. I can’t imagine that supporting a genocide or preventing an end to the conflict in Ukraine which US actions certainly were responsible for has helped the Democrats much, either.

I have argued in the past that being a “social justice warrior” doesn’t help all that much, but being a “social justice cleric” – helping people become better rather than cutting them down or cutting them off – does. While I fully understand that tolerance has limits, I have also argued that intolerance is far from the ideal first reaction. I am arguing the same today.

Why don’t they have to do better? Of course everyone doing better should be our goal. You can help people to do better. You can’t force them.

There is also this: I know that some of you still believe it, but RussiaGate was bullshit. I read the Mueller Report, and I watched his testimony to Congress. I also watched the impeachment proceedings. In both cases, the Republicans came off as far more honest than the Democrats, and the media came off as less honest than either. You might not see it that way, but the majority of voters clearly did. Where we are now is entirely the fault of the Democrats and their enablers. I see no signs that the DNC is going to own their shit, so if we are not going to slide further into dystopia, we need to own ours.

The way I see it, progressives can either try to make allies, or they can give conservatives more reason to ignore and deride them. Making allies requires understanding what other people think, and why, and answering the opposition. My take on Donald Trump is that he really does want to be considered a great president. Yes, it is all about him, but what advantage is there in allowing the “swamp monsters” the only say as to how that should be achieved? Rather than spending the next four years telling him how much you hate him, why not tell him what would make America great? Why not push him to provide universal healthcare when Obama could not?

Or, you know, you can always join the DNC in blaming everyone else, and see where that takes you.

Sea Monkeys

Sea Monkey: Init +3; Atk trident +2 melee (1d8) or bite +0 melee (1d3-1); Crit III/d6; AC 13; HD 1d6; MV 30’, swim 60’; Act 1d20; SP amphibious, confer water breathing, brine shrimp swarm; SV Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +0; AL N

Some people sell brine shrimp and call them “sea monkeys”, but the real sea monkeys are amphibious egg-laying humanoids who swarm out of their undersea castles to capture treasure, slaves, and food. Through some unknown process, sea monkeys can confer the ability to breathe water on other creatures, and the few slaves who have escaped them can attest to this fact. If not renewed every 1d3 days, this ability ceases to function, and the slave drowns…making them completely at the mercy of their captors.

Sea monkeys can also summon a swarm of brine shrimp in a 20’ radius once per day. This does no damage, but offers concealment and a +2 bonus to AC within the swarm…except against sea monkeys, who can see right through it as though it were not there. Some sages have speculated that the three antennae growing from their heads provides a form of telepathic connection solely focused on brine shrimp.

Sea monkeys are, indeed, intelligent, frolicsome, and love to play games with each other as well as those they capture. If eager to please, it is only to please themselves. While it is true that sea monkeys love attention, it is not the kind of attention most creatures would wish to give them, and they have seldom brought smiles or laughter to anything less cruel than they are.

Sea Monk

Sea Monk: Init +2; Atk tentacle slap +4 melee (1d6) or harmful spell (see below); Crit M/d10; AC 16; HD 4d8; MV swim 20’; Act 1d20; SP heal 2/day, harmful spell 3/day; SV Fort +4, Ref +1, Will +4; AL N

Their red scales acting as armored cassocks, these strange beings of the northern seas are sometimes found along coastlands in shallow waters, where they rise from the water to make impassioned sermons about Pelagia and other sea deities, about giving thanks for the ocean’s abundance, and about making sacrifices in blood and riches for successful voyages or bountiful fishing. A full 8 feet in height, a preaching sea monk is an awe-inspiring spectacle!

Twice per day, a sea monk may heal all creatures within a 30’ radius of 2d6 hp damage, affecting only those beings who have made a meaningful sacrifice to the sea or the oceanic gods within the last month (including the sea monk itself).

Sea monks are not generally hostile, but if pressed they can defend themselves. In addition to slapping foes with their short, but rough-scaled, tentacles, a sea monk can cast a harmful spell three times each day. When a sea monk uses this ability, roll 1d7 and consult the table below:

1. Briny water fills one target’s lungs within 30’, causing 1d6 Stamina damage (DC 12 Fort for half).

2. Red scale sprout all over all foes within 60’, impeding movement enough to cause 1d3 Agility damage. There is no save, but victims gain +1 AC from the scales until they fall away when the Agility damage is healed.

3. A trident of solidified sea water strikes at a target within 60’ (1d8 damage, DC 16 Reflex save negates).

4. 1d4 masses of phantasmal spiny starfish launch at foes within 30’, doing 1d3 damage each round until a DC 14 Will save succeeds. These masses can be used to target separate foes, but two or more can also be used against the same foe to increase damage. When more than one mass targets the same victim, a single successful save negates all masses affecting that creature.

5. A wave rises and smashes down on all foes within 30’, doing 1d3 damage and requiring a DC 12 Reflex save to avoid being knocked over. Allies are miraculously untouched.

6. As blood turns to sea water, one target within 60’ takes 1d6 damage (DC 13 Fort for half).

7. One target within 120’, to which the sea monk has line of sight, takes 1d3 damage and must succeed on a DC 7 Will save or transform into sea water, dying instantly.

Grellican

This comes to you thanks to Reddit user timplausible from their comment on this post.

Illustration by Noble Hardesty

Grellican: Init +3; Atk Tentacle +2 melee (1d2 plus grab and stuff) or beak +0 melee (1d4 plus swallow); AC 12; HD 2d8; MV fly 40’; Act 5d20; SP grab and stuff, swallow, bill pouch, death throes; SV Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +3; AL C.

Swarming around piers of sardonyx and quays of porphyry in the Dreamlands, these creatures sometimes pass into the waking world at twilight when the borders are thin. What they consume in the Dreamlands is a mystery, but once within the waking world their appetites cannot be appeased.

A grellican is a creature similar to a grell or a grell-ba-tross, and is found along seacoasts during twilight hours and early morning, when the borders between Dream and Reality are thin. A grellican looks like a giant brown-white brain, some two feet in diameter, with birdlike wings, a pelican-like bill, and four long dangling tentacles.

Each tentacle can grab its target unless they succeed in an opposed Strength check (vs. +2), and the victim is automatically stuffed into the grellican’s bill pouch the next round unless it somehow escapes. Each tentacle has 2 hp; these do not count against the creature’s normal hit points, and a severed tentacle regenerates in 1d3 days. Blunt weapons cannot be used to sever tentacles. A victim can also use an action die to force another opposed Strength check, escaping if successful.

Likewise, if the grellican makes a successful bill attack against a target, the target much succeed in a DC 7 Reflex save or be swallowed and deposited into the grellican’s bill pouch. No matter how many creatures are stuffed into a grellican’s pouch, or how large they are, the pouch never appears larger than then of a pelican from outside.

A grellican’s bill can open to nightmarish dimensions, allowing the creature to force creatures as large as a cow into its bill pouch. The bill pouch itself is an extra-dimensional space which confines and slowly dissolves its victims at a rate of 1d3 hp per turn. A character within the bill pouch can attack it with a bladed weapon, with a -2d penalty to attack rolls and damage (AC 16), but the damage they do does not count against the grellican’s total hit points. Should they succeed in causing 8 hp damage in a single attack, a rent is created and everything in the grellican’s pouch is sucked into a dreamworld. If you backed the Painted Wastelands kickstarter and ordered the DCC Conversion Guide, this is an excellent chance to use it!

Otherwise, when a grellican is reduced to 0 hp, it begins to dissolve into dreamstuff and is fully gone in 1d6+1 rounds. One creature per round can be rescued from the grellican’s bill pouch per round while this is happening, should anyone think to do so. Those still within the bill pouch may be deposited into some distant Dreamland with a successful Luck check. The judge may allow some special quest to recover those who fail. Otherwise, they are forever lost.

Grell-Ba-Tross

 

Illustration by Noble Hardesty

Grell-Ba-Tross: Init +2; Atk Tentacle +2 melee (1d2 plus venom) or beak +0 melee (1d8) or screech; AC 14; HD 3d8; MV fly 30’; Act 7d20; SP Blindsense 120’, venom (1d3 temporary Agility damage, Fort DC 5 negates), screech (30’ radius, DC 8 Will or lose next action), tentacle vulnerability, afraid of cats; SV Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3; AL C.

These smaller cousins of the grell lurk under wharves and in seaside sewers, scavenging fish guts and rats to sustain themselves unless some unlucky sailor, vagrant, or sewer-jack should encounter them. Ship’s cats and the strays which are found around the same places are singularly immune to the grell-ba-tross’s hunger; indeed, although the monster makes nocturnal forays along the docks and in the shallows, it is never seen in the presence of a cat. Some old sea dogs claim that the sudden appearance of a cat has saved them from a grisly fate. According to these ancient mariners, grell-ba-tross will even be so bold as to come aboard harbored ships on moonless nights, but flee from the sight of even a peg-legged cat, even though an easy meal was otherwise in their slimy grasp.  

The grell-ba-tross looks much like its cousin, the grell, but it is only three feet in diameter, with a large beak resembling that of an albatross, and only six tentacles long and strong enough to attack. Its tentacles exude a mild paralytic venom that causes 1d3 points of temporary Agility damage unless a DC 5 Fort save succeeds. This damage heals at the rate of 1 point per minute, starting 1 turn after it first affects a victim. Each tentacle has 3 hp; these do not count against the creature’s normal hit points, and a severed tentacle regenerates in 1d3 days. Blunt weapons cannot be used to sever tentacles.

A grell-ba-tross which forgoes a beak attack can also shriek – a powerful sonic and psionic attack which forces all creatures within a 30’ radius to make a DC 12 Fort save or lose their next action. Creatures with multiple action dice lose only their largest action die, and may still act using any additional action dice.

The venom sacs in a grell-ba-tross’s tentacles can yield 1d3 usable doses of venom with a successful Handle Poison check, and each of the six large tentacles (severed or not) can be milked of this numbing agent. This thin venom can be used as a contact poison, but if there is a way to further distill or strengthen it, it has yet to be discovered.

The true value in grell-ba-tross is in the meat of its tentacles, which is variable in flavor and can sometimes yield a high price from epicures and wealthy trenchermen. Untested grell-ba-tross tentacles can be sold for 1d6 sp each, but the potential value is higher if the seller samples a portion themselves. Even then, a buyer will wish to ascertain the flavor of a given tentacle before purchase.

1 in 20 grell-ba-tross have poisonous tentacles (1d6 damage plus DC 16 Fort or additional 2d8 damage and an additional DC 16 Fort or death). For non-poisonous tentacles, roll 1d6 and consult below:

1. You are what you eat, and this grell-ba-tross had a steady diet of garbage. Worthless.

2. Rather rubbery and gamey, but there is a lot of meat here. Worth 2d4 cp per tentacle.

3. What flavor is it? It’s bloody albatross flavored! Worth 3d10 cp per tentacle.

4. Tastes a bit like chicken. Worth 1d6 sp per tentacle.

5. Fine grainy texture and the taste of well-aged marinated beef. Worth 1d6 gp per tentacle.

6. Ambrosia steeped in nectar! These magnificent tentacles are worth 3d20 gp each!

Note that all of any specific grell-ba-tross’s tentacles have the same flavor. And, yes, grilling up poisonous grell-ba-tross tentacles to feed to regents, enemies, and overbearing supervisors has been known to occur!

 

Adventures that Matter

Cross-posted from reddit:

The only thing that makes adventure matter is presenting players with choices where the consequences matter, and where there is enough context that they have at least some idea of what those consequences may be. And I don't mean a choice where there is an obviously right answer.

To use Lord of the Rings, when the Company sets out from Rivendell, they don't know that they are making the right choice. Going around the mountains and passing through Gondor, trying the mountain pass, and going through Moria all have potential risks, and they do not know which is the right way. LotR, especially the novels, is full of points where the characters make choices, and do not know which is the right choice to make. They do, however, have some idea of the consequences of their options, and they do discuss them,

The first adventure I wrote for Goodman Games has the quest-giver as the villain. It is pretty clear that this is the case, and pretty clear that giving her what she wants will not end well. Less clear, but equally true, is that taking what she wants for one of the PCs (explicitly possible in the adventure) will cause problems in the long run. There is also a magic sword with a similar issue: you gain power, but have to deal with the drawbacks if you take it.

I have run this adventure many times, for many players, and every group has made different choices when dealing with the issues it presents. The adventure matters to them because their choices drive the narrative, for good or ill. The adventure matters to me because I get to be just as surprised as anyone else at the table because I am not the one driving the narrative.

And that's really the whole secret. Making player choices that matter makes an adventure that matters.

Launch Alert

I have been a huge fan of Tales From the Smoking Worm. Since the first issue the quality is mercilessly hard to beat. With Issue #10 coming soon, I wanted to take the chance to get the word out.

I've done a few reviews of past offerings, and I have found things to enjoy and to use at the game table in every issue thus far. I don't think that is going to change soon! These really are well-written, professional-grade zines, and I hope you will support them.

Ostrich Skeleton

Ostrich Skeleton: Init +2; Atk kick +1 melee (1d6+1); AC 12; HD 2d6; MV 50’; Act 1d20; SP un-dead, half damage from cutting and piercing weapons; SV Fort +3; Ref +3; Will -2; AL C.

For some reason, ostrich skeletons are attracted to picnickers and love to disrupt joyful outings of all types.